We loved with a love that was more than a love...

Love: n. a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

It is such a simple definition, yet such a hard thing to define. All around me I've seen so many problems with it. Lately it seems so many of my friends, acquaintances and loved ones are being consumed by it. There are marriages, discovering new loves, engagements, weddings, births, affairs, divorces, destruction and unrequited love. There is a struggle to attain it, to keep it, to preserve it, and to resolve it. But why is there never such a struggle to understand it? Perhaps if we understood it and if we knew how amazing it is, we’d be able to handle it better. Love is an amazing gift. But the bigger gift, is giving us the power to love and the power to let go. 

Kenny Rogers once sang, so many years ago; Every gambler knows the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. Because every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser…You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run.  Perhaps more people should realize that.
Why do we have such a hard time with an emotion that is at the core of our being? At the root of all of our creation was love; love for a person, love for life, love for power, love for sex even love for God's creatures to continue. But somewhere the true point of it got lost. 

We struggle with the thought that if you love someone, you must always be with them through anything and everything. That "True Love" means that you never give up. But sometimes in that act of letting go, that act of giving up is the greatest demonstration of our love. 

There is so many different types and levels of love. You can't compare love between two people because each person is different. Each situation is vastly different. Even two children in a family will be loved in different ways. Not because one child is loved "more" than the other but because they need a different type of love, because we give it in vastly different ways. Sometimes we understand how a person needs to be loved and sometimes...we don't. 

I have been blessed with an amazing experience with love. I have loved deeper and more than I ever thought I was capable of feeling. And I've had the chance and honor to have amazing relationships with many people. Some will say that I have screwed up because of my past "failed" relationships. But I can't see it as that. Break up and divorce is never a failure. Marriages never fail. Some simply come to a point where you have to decide if you have anything left to give the other person. If you have anything in life you can still teach them and if you are doing it for personal gain. 

Sometimes the greatest show of love is to let someone go. 

I have made grave mistakes in my life. I have hurt people, sometimes intentionally, sometimes simply because that was the result of a series of events outside my control. I've been hurt. I've been to the brink of absolute destruction. But in that destruction, in those flames of deconstruction, I found love within myself, I learned to truly love and appreciate myself and I was reborn from that; a little harder, a little colder, but on the whole better. I am far from perfect. But I don't want to be. I relish in the lessons I learn because it shows me that life continues that life goes on because if I have learned everything, than life is over. I’m not ready for that.

Recently, I was told that the person that was, and still is, one of my greatest loves…didn’t truly love me. Because he didn’t know what love was until he met someone else.  Now given the source, I’ve taken it with a huge grain of salt. (Hello, pillar of salt) but I must admit, that for a few days after I was told that, I doubted myself. I am human and as such, prone to doubt and insecurity, but through everything I have experienced in my short time on Earth, I have learned that insecurity is baggage and it just weighs me down and takes away from my ability to love life and myself and to enjoy both. I am at times a gifted human, I am intelligent, and I can be funny and most of all, I can be secure enough to let go of what others think and hold tight to my own resolve. I have an amazing life; I have the love of a wonderful, flawed man whom I love more and more each day. But her words got me thinking. No one else was there in my relationship with him. No one knew my ex’s heart aside from himself and no one knew my heart or our relationship because they were not there. Anger and pain and hurt and sadness can cloud the memories. It’s not until you reach a point in your healing, that you can look back and give someone the truth. That it takes two to tango, and that things are not always as they seem.  

So how can I let someone who knew nothing of the situation, cause me doubt? I had to cut that baggage loose, because it was only going to weigh me down and bring me down from the level of security and confidence I had struggled so hard to achieve. I couldn’t let someone else tear me down for their own personal gain; for them to feel better about themselves. I’ve played that game far more than anyone should ever have to or let happen.

            But it made me realize that not everyone has the same views on love as I do. I have no doubt in my mind anymore that he truly loves me to this very day, because I saw it in every inch of his soul and the truth in his eyes when he confessed it to me the last time not so long ago. Some will say that you cannot love more than one person at a time. But that is just not true. We were born with such an incredible ability to love. It is not wise to attempt to pursue more than one because it is difficult to commit so much of yourself to more than one avenue. But loving immensely and giving your love and respect to those around you…is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give. The m
            So why did she attempt to push this thought on me? I don’t know. And I will more than likely never know her true intentions. But I do feel sorry for her, because to try and to deny the presence of love, no matter how painful it can be, will only diminish your own capacity for  it. To feel such hatred, and remorse and anger is only negative energy that if left to fester, will rip away at your very core.

          I don't know what the answer is to a lot in life. But I do know this; not everything is black and white. Love will show itself in the most surprising ways, because there is no wrong way to love. Never discredit other people's love. For just because they may no longer be together, doesn't mean there is not or was not love there. It simply means that sometimes, they loved each other too much to hold on. Just because someone loved before you, doesn’t make their love for you less or even more. It just makes them a better person for the lessons they have learned and the life they have experienced.

 The Greatest Thing You Will Ever Learn, Is just to love, and Be Loved in Return


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  2. You see, this is one of the reasons why I keep your blog on the bookmark bar on Google Chrome.

    Beautifully written, and so very true. Kudos, chica.

  3. Apprecciate you blogging this


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